There are days that stay with you.
Long warm days that play with your memories and with time.
Passages from on heart to another.
Those are the best days.
Ones that give you freedom to trust, love and to hope for things unseen.
the days that you are the lovely daughter, Happy son, Beautiful wife.
When the world turns just so, allowing you to see the rays of heaven in someones eyes.
I long for those days.
For a tiny lingering moment of some forgotten thing I cannot touch.
For a fraction of a moment I think I can see it.
There just beyond the setting sun, Just over the last hill.
The flash of a single hope.
A day that brings life and light from the edges of what was so bleak.
A time when just a kiss means you are not forgotten.
A smile telling more than words might ever say.
When all the world for me is right.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
17 Apart: How To: Make Apple Vinegar From Scratch
17 Apart: How To: Make Apple Vinegar From Scratch: When you go out and pick two bushels of apples you better have a plan for using them up — especially in a timely manner! Lets recap: fi...
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Sofa-sleeper
I do not recall how it came to be, I do know that he was walking past the car-wash one day, and I just happened to be there with my cousin.
He said hello. I was silly and more shocked that he would even remember me.
After all it had been more than a year from the last time I had seen his handsome face.
Normally I would have never been able to recall some man I have really never gotten to know. Yet he was so much more than "Just some guy", he had come to be staying on our sofa for a while. I think the roommate knew him and well you know how it goes. "Sure come stay on the sofa it's fine.
My mind was twittering wildly when he first said hello.
Those deep forest green eyes. I was sure he could read my every thought.
And to tell you honestly My face got hot and I was red from head to toe.
Thank the good Lord that he could not read my mind and more so that if he could he said nothing of my thoughts or my ideas about him.
I might have stood there just boggling at his cheekbones and the splash of wild in his eyes, I said something on the lines of.....Do you have a toothbrush or a this or that??
I found him a few things every man needs....I.e. towel and toothbrush, soap and blah blah blah....this poor man. That was when I first saw that smile.
HOLY MOLY, Can you say mind-blown!!!!???? I was up at the break of day making coffee and standing in the kitchen peeking at him as he slept.
I was so lost to him, and he did not know it.
I think I found any reason to just be in the same room as him. I am not sure just how many words passed between us while he was there in the house.
Funny how the heart will seek only what it needs and desires. I was a moth to a flame. Yet being in a relationship with a man-child I kept as far as I could without being rude. The best thing was that at the time my then boyfriend was sick to death with having the sofa-sleeper staying at our house! I love this kind of irony! You are cruel to me and this "Sofa-sleeper" was so kind.
Thank you KArma for laying out a path for good things I might have done and for bringing the now ex-guyfriend to the greatest loss in his life.....Me.
I could not stop the blush or the smile that was a plague to my face and more so to my heart.
I had seen him with the kids out on the street and That just made him more sexy and want in my eyes.
it is to my heart he now calls, it is to our home he now comes, he calls me his own.
I thank goodness daily for taking something so tiny and making all of my dreams come true.
He said hello. I was silly and more shocked that he would even remember me.
After all it had been more than a year from the last time I had seen his handsome face.
Normally I would have never been able to recall some man I have really never gotten to know. Yet he was so much more than "Just some guy", he had come to be staying on our sofa for a while. I think the roommate knew him and well you know how it goes. "Sure come stay on the sofa it's fine.
My mind was twittering wildly when he first said hello.
Those deep forest green eyes. I was sure he could read my every thought.
And to tell you honestly My face got hot and I was red from head to toe.
Thank the good Lord that he could not read my mind and more so that if he could he said nothing of my thoughts or my ideas about him.
I might have stood there just boggling at his cheekbones and the splash of wild in his eyes, I said something on the lines of.....Do you have a toothbrush or a this or that??
I found him a few things every man needs....I.e. towel and toothbrush, soap and blah blah blah....this poor man. That was when I first saw that smile.
HOLY MOLY, Can you say mind-blown!!!!???? I was up at the break of day making coffee and standing in the kitchen peeking at him as he slept.
I was so lost to him, and he did not know it.
I think I found any reason to just be in the same room as him. I am not sure just how many words passed between us while he was there in the house.
Funny how the heart will seek only what it needs and desires. I was a moth to a flame. Yet being in a relationship with a man-child I kept as far as I could without being rude. The best thing was that at the time my then boyfriend was sick to death with having the sofa-sleeper staying at our house! I love this kind of irony! You are cruel to me and this "Sofa-sleeper" was so kind.
Thank you KArma for laying out a path for good things I might have done and for bringing the now ex-guyfriend to the greatest loss in his life.....Me.
I could not stop the blush or the smile that was a plague to my face and more so to my heart.
I had seen him with the kids out on the street and That just made him more sexy and want in my eyes.
it is to my heart he now calls, it is to our home he now comes, he calls me his own.
I thank goodness daily for taking something so tiny and making all of my dreams come true.
A wayward son
I guess sometimes no-matter what we teach our children, they are going to do things that we have not taught them and they are going to hurt us. I find this hard to deal with.
I am sure most parents of teens feel the same way.
(Well i think other mom,s and dad,s would feel this way)
I know i have taught my children to he honest and to work hard to make good things happen for themselves and others, and yet one of my children must have forgotten the things I have been teaching him for the last 16 years.
Honor, Loyalty, Respect and pride in your work.
Nothing like having the school call and tell you "Hey your son was caught with two pipes on him in class."
He did not come up dirty for narcotics, only THC.
ARE YOU CRAZY???? ONLY THC!!!!!!
His ideas and thoughts are misguided and misleading him.
I cannot fix this in my child. He believes he is old enough to make these choices and that he alone is the one to take the natural consequences for these actions or lack there of.
What my son does not understand or is not looking at is that these things he is doing to mess-up his life are bleeding out on his sisters and him mom.
He does not show even the tiniest glimmer of remorse or shame for his actions. It feels and looks as if he could care-less if his mom is always worried, or that his sisters cry for him all of the time.
It seems to me that this young-man is walking into the mouth of hell and he thinks there is a picnic there just for him!
There are truly not enough words to fully express what I feel for my child right now.
I at some moments want to stand on his neck and dance about just to get his attention!
Other times I want to hold him like I did when he was little and tell him everything will be okay, that things are getting better.
But; I know nothing I do, short of locking him away from the world, to protect him there is nothing much I can do.
I pray for him, I pray over him. I see his eyes and he looks so hollow and without hope.
HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED???? I ask myself this every day.
I look at myself and wonder how I have failed this child so much, so greatly!!!
Always trying to remind myself "I did not cause him to make his choices".
The strain this child's actions are taking on the home are shredding us all.
I fear that the man of our home is ready to walk away because of this child's actions and this is a sickness that is growing.
There are no more conversations about camping and doing things together, only of "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT HIM, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO PUNISH HIM".
I am broken from the discord in my home.
I have to hide my tears from everyone so as not to cause more strife.
My actions have become so obsessive and the compulsions to clean and fix and move things around are weighing on me.
I am sure most parents of teens feel the same way.
(Well i think other mom,s and dad,s would feel this way)
I know i have taught my children to he honest and to work hard to make good things happen for themselves and others, and yet one of my children must have forgotten the things I have been teaching him for the last 16 years.
Honor, Loyalty, Respect and pride in your work.
Nothing like having the school call and tell you "Hey your son was caught with two pipes on him in class."
He did not come up dirty for narcotics, only THC.
ARE YOU CRAZY???? ONLY THC!!!!!!
Mind and body I went numb and my guts started to spin, wild and out of control.
I am sure it was my mind SCREAMING AT ME,
"what is going on? How can a kid that is getting all A's and B's be doing things this STUPID??????"
WHAT KIND OF THINGS IS THE WORLD SHOWING MY SON??
It seems to me these things have gone far from him and he is walking a path I did not show him. His choices have him high and suspended from school.His ideas and thoughts are misguided and misleading him.
I cannot fix this in my child. He believes he is old enough to make these choices and that he alone is the one to take the natural consequences for these actions or lack there of.
What my son does not understand or is not looking at is that these things he is doing to mess-up his life are bleeding out on his sisters and him mom.
He does not show even the tiniest glimmer of remorse or shame for his actions. It feels and looks as if he could care-less if his mom is always worried, or that his sisters cry for him all of the time.
It seems to me that this young-man is walking into the mouth of hell and he thinks there is a picnic there just for him!
There are truly not enough words to fully express what I feel for my child right now.
I at some moments want to stand on his neck and dance about just to get his attention!
Other times I want to hold him like I did when he was little and tell him everything will be okay, that things are getting better.
But; I know nothing I do, short of locking him away from the world, to protect him there is nothing much I can do.
I pray for him, I pray over him. I see his eyes and he looks so hollow and without hope.
HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED???? I ask myself this every day.
I look at myself and wonder how I have failed this child so much, so greatly!!!
Always trying to remind myself "I did not cause him to make his choices".
The strain this child's actions are taking on the home are shredding us all.
I fear that the man of our home is ready to walk away because of this child's actions and this is a sickness that is growing.
There are no more conversations about camping and doing things together, only of "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT HIM, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO PUNISH HIM".
I am broken from the discord in my home.
I have to hide my tears from everyone so as not to cause more strife.
My actions have become so obsessive and the compulsions to clean and fix and move things around are weighing on me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)